well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
