I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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