More tranny stories later!
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I wish you could order shots online.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
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