I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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