My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
All I want is dick and wine.
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