I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
