I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
