If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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