this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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