You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
