she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
