Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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