you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
