How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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