She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Holy shit dude........stairs
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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