I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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