He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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