Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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