thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
