Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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