Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
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