I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
