Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
