If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
