Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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