Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I think my fart just growled at me.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
