Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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