garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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