What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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