Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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