I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
