a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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