WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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