I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
