HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize