I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
