he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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