it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
