Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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