did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
