my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I will pee on everything he values.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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