I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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