I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
