NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
