I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
