It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
