I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
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