OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
