Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
not ubering you a puppy
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
