i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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