At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
