i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
