There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
