so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
