well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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