you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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