If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
