he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
