nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
