He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
