Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
