And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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