We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
