you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
