im holly from the hills drunk
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
