I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
