my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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