i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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