..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Omg I joined a choir last night...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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