i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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