I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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