Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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