i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
