i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
